1. What Are Attachment Styles?
Attachment theory originates from the work of British psychologist John Bowlby and researcher Mary Ainsworth. It describes how early interactions with caregivers shape our expectations about relationships and emotional safety.
In childhood:
- Consistent, attuned caregiving → fosters secure attachment
- Inconsistent, neglectful, intrusive, or frightening caregiving → can foster insecure attachment styles
In adulthood:
These attachment patterns influence:
- How we experience intimacy
- How we manage conflict
- Our sense of self-worth
- How we regulate emotions
- How we seek closeness or distance in relationships
Importantly, attachment styles are not fixed. They can evolve with awareness, therapy, and new relational experiences.
Our Attachment Issues Therapy at Become The Way helps clients understand, process, and transform these lifelong patterns.
2. The Four Main Attachment Styles
A. Secure Attachment
✅ Trusts others
✅ Comfortable with intimacy and independence
✅ Regulates emotions well
✅ Can seek and offer support in healthy ways
Formed through consistent, loving caregiving.
In adulthood: balanced relationships, resilience, emotional openness.
B. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
✅ Strong desire for closeness
✅ Fear of abandonment
✅ Preoccupation with partner’s availability
✅ Emotional highs and lows
Formed through inconsistent caregiving—sometimes responsive, sometimes unavailable.
In adulthood: often struggles with self-worth and dependency in relationships.
C. Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment
✅ Values independence and self-sufficiency
✅ Discomfort with closeness
✅ Suppresses emotional needs
✅ Can seem aloof or emotionally unavailable
Formed through caregiving that discouraged emotional expression or closeness.
In adulthood: difficulty trusting and expressing vulnerability.
D. Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) Attachment
✅ Craves closeness but fears it
✅ Intense emotional swings
✅ Struggles with trust and emotional regulation
✅ Often experienced trauma or frightening caregiving
This is the most complex and challenging attachment style—often rooted in childhood trauma or neglect.
In adulthood: chaotic relationships, profound fear of intimacy and abandonment.
Our Trauma Therapy and Individual Therapy services provide a safe space to work with disorganized attachment.
3. How Attachment Styles Impact Adult Relationships
Attachment patterns shape:
A. Intimacy & Closeness
- Secure: balances closeness and independence
- Anxious: craves closeness, fears rejection
- Avoidant: distances self to protect vulnerability
- Disorganized: swings between craving and fearing intimacy
B. Communication & Conflict
- Secure: communicates openly and constructively
- Anxious: may become clingy, overly emotional, or demanding
- Avoidant: may withdraw or shut down
- Disorganized: may act unpredictably or escalate conflict
C. Self-Esteem & Emotional Regulation
- Secure: generally stable self-worth and emotional resilience
- Anxious: self-worth tied to others’ validation
- Avoidant: suppresses emotions; struggles to name inner needs
- Disorganized: intense emotional reactivity; struggles with self-soothing
D. Relationship Patterns
- Anxious and avoidant partners often pair up in a painful dance of pursuit and distancing
- Disorganized individuals may enter turbulent or unsafe relationships
- Secure individuals create safe, mutual relationships—and can support partners toward greater security
Our Relationship Stress & Attachment Issues Therapy helps individuals and couples explore and shift these patterns toward greater emotional safety.
4. How to Shift Toward Secure Attachment
Healing is always possible. Your early experiences may shape you, but they do not define you.
A. Build Awareness
- Identify your primary attachment style
- Notice how it shows up in relationships, communication, emotional reactions
Therapy provides a structured space for this exploration—see our Individual Therapy services.
B. Cultivate Secure Relationships
- Seek relationships with safe, consistent, attuned partners or friends
- Practice healthy boundaries and communication
- Allow yourself to experience and process intimacy safely
C. Emotion Regulation Skills
- Learn to name, tolerate, and regulate emotions
- Develop self-soothing practices
- Explore Mindfulness & Spiritual Therapy for support
D. Process Attachment Wounds
- Grieve unmet childhood needs
- Reprocess trauma with the support of a skilled therapist—see our Trauma Therapy
- Practice earned secure attachment: intentionally cultivating more secure ways of relating
Earned secure attachment is possible for anyone—through insight, relational healing, and self-compassion.
5. How Therapy Can Help You Heal Attachment Wounds
Therapy is one of the most powerful paths toward shifting attachment patterns.
At Become The Way Psychotherapy, we offer:
A. Individual Therapy
- Attachment-focused therapy to explore relational patterns
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) to deepen emotional safety
- Parts work (Internal Family Systems and similar) to heal inner attachment wounds
- See our Attachment Issues Therapy for a specialized approach
B. Trauma-Informed Care
- Many attachment wounds stem from early trauma or neglect
- Our Trauma Therapy addresses these wounds with compassion and care
C. Couples & Relationship Therapy
- For those seeking to shift attachment dynamics within relationships
- Learn new ways of communicating, offering and receiving emotional support
- Explore Relationship Stress Therapy
D. Coaching Support
- Our Coaching Services offer practical tools for building relational skills and emotional intelligence
Conclusion: Healing Attachment Patterns Is Possible
Understanding your attachment style is a courageous first step. It opens the door to more conscious, compassionate relationships—with others and with yourself.
At Become The Way Psychotherapy, we walk this path with clients every day. Healing attachment wounds is not about becoming “perfect” in relationships. It’s about becoming more aware, more secure, and more free to love and be loved.
What gets in the way becomes the way.
When we face our attachment patterns with openness and courage, they become the very path toward deeper connection and emotional well-being.
Ready to begin?
Explore our Attachment Issues Therapy or Contact Us to take the first step.