What Is Self-Esteem—Really?
Self-esteem is not arrogance. It’s not inflated confidence. And it’s not about perfection.
At its core, self-esteem is:
- The honest, compassionate way you view yourself
- Your belief in your own inherent worth—even when you make mistakes
- The foundation for resilience, healthy boundaries, and emotional well-being
People with healthy self-esteem are not immune to failure or criticism. They simply don’t let those moments define their identity.
On the other hand, low self-esteem can feel like:
- Constant self-criticism or self-doubt
- Difficulty accepting compliments
- People-pleasing or over-apologizing
- Avoiding risks for fear of failure
- Comparing yourself to others and always coming up short
- Feeling like an imposter in your own life
If this resonates, know that you’re not alone. Many clients come to us navigating these exact patterns—and we help them untangle where those beliefs come from.
Why Self-Esteem Struggles Run Deep
Low self-esteem doesn’t appear out of nowhere. Often, it stems from:
- Critical caregivers or emotionally neglectful environments
- Bullying, trauma, or abuse
- Perfectionism and high-pressure academic or cultural standards
- Attachment wounds — learn more about Attachment Issues Therapy
- Relationship stress or emotional invalidation — Relationship Stress Therapy can help process this
- Corporate trauma or performance burnout — see Career Stress Therapy
- Internalized societal narratives (e.g., body image, gender roles, racial trauma, ableism, etc.)
These beliefs often form early and become internalized as truth. But here’s the reality: Self-esteem can be rebuilt. And healing begins when we start telling ourselves a new story.
Signs You May Be Struggling with Low Self-Esteem
Recognizing the signs is a powerful first step:
- You fear judgment or rejection in most social settings
- You avoid taking credit or downplay your accomplishments
- You feel like a burden when asking for help
- Your inner voice is harsh, unforgiving, or sarcastic
- You compare yourself constantly and always come up short
- You tolerate poor treatment because you feel like that’s all you deserve
- You strive for perfection to avoid criticism
Our Individual Therapy helps you uncover the root of these patterns and gently replace them with more truthful, compassionate perspectives.
How to Begin Improving Self-Esteem
1. Notice Your Inner Voice
Begin by observing how you speak to yourself. Would you say those things to someone you love?
Therapeutic practices like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) help challenge distorted thinking and reframe self-talk. At Become The Way Psychotherapy, we often pair CBT with mindfulness and self-compassion tools.
Try this:
Each time your inner critic speaks, pause and ask, “Is this helpful or harmful? Is it true—or just familiar?”
2. Heal the Root Wounds
Improving self-esteem isn’t about affirmations pasted over trauma. It’s about doing the deeper work.
That may include processing:
- Childhood emotional neglect
- Rejection or betrayal
- Past abuse or manipulation
- Loss of identity in parenthood — see Parenting Stress Therapy
- Longstanding perfectionism — explore Perfectionism Therapy
With the support of a trauma-informed therapist, these wounds can be safely explored and integrated.
3. Set Boundaries That Reflect Your Worth
Boundaries are a reflection of self-respect. When you struggle with self-esteem, you may overextend yourself, stay in toxic dynamics, or avoid saying no.
Through therapy, clients learn to:
- Identify what’s truly okay (and what’s not)
- Practice saying “no” without guilt
- Communicate needs clearly
- Build relationships that support their growth
This boundary work is often transformative—and a key part of the journey we offer in Coaching Services.
4. Take Imperfect Action
Many people with low self-esteem wait to feel confident before trying something new. But confidence is often the result, not the prerequisite, of taking action.
Start small:
- Speak up in a meeting
- Ask for what you need
- Wear the outfit you’ve been avoiding
- Publish the post, submit the resume, make the call
Each act of self-assertion rewires your brain and tells your nervous system, “I can survive this.”
5. Surround Yourself with Affirming Relationships
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Connection plays a crucial role in reshaping how we see ourselves. Therapy is a safe space to build this connection—but outside of sessions, consider:
- Joining a support group
- Letting go of critical or invalidating relationships
- Seeking friendships that feel nourishing and mutual
- Exploring spiritual or identity-affirming communities — we support this through Spiritual & Religious Concerns Therapy
The people around you matter. Healing becomes easier when your environment affirms your worth.
6. Work with a Therapist Who Sees the Real You
Self-esteem issues can feel tangled and layered. Therapy helps you:
- Unlearn what was never yours to carry
- Build a more compassionate internal dialogue
- Reconnect with your identity and values
- Trust your own inner voice again
Our Therapists specialize in identity, perfectionism, trauma, career stress, and life transitions—all of which influence self-esteem.
We also offer Prescribing Services if depression or anxiety are part of the picture and medication support is needed.
Self-Esteem Isn’t a Destination—It’s a Relationship
Improving self-esteem is not about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to yourself.
That process may involve grief, inner child work, joyful risk-taking, and learning how to rest without guilt. It’s non-linear—and deeply worth it.
At Become The Way Psychotherapy, we don’t treat self-esteem as a surface-level issue. We treat it as a reflection of how you’ve been shaped, what you’ve survived, and who you’re becoming.
When you’re ready to start this journey, we’re here.
Learn more about our Individual Therapy or Contact Us for a free consultation. You deserve to feel safe in your own skin.